So it was recently my birthday and I am once again another year older. I've never really had a problem with age and I personally think that someone's birthday is something to celebrate because hey, everyone needs that day to have the people around them show them that they're loved in at least some way, shape, or form. This year was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed every minute of it. I can't deny that even though I'm still having fun, I'm starting to see things in that older light. At the same time though I feel like I'm still very naive and have no idea what I want for myself. I'm sure a lot of people feel this way; especially when it's that last year of college, you know you have to graduate, and you know that in the end you're going to have to somehow start making a living for yourself.
Unfortunately even though with this more mature way to look at the world, I'm still that person that has no idea what to do with myself or what I want for myself. In my head I theoretically know the things that I would like to have in the future; like a small and nice place to live, some kind of steady job, a dog to greet me when I come home, a ferret because they're adorable, and a significant other to share those moments where you just need someone to be there for you when you feel like no one else is. Beyond the things I can buy myself, I have no idea how to go about getting or doing these other things in life. In otherwords I feel at a total loss and as though everything will slip away if I try to start walking ahead. I don't know the things about my personality that will push people away. I don't think I've ever had someone come up to me and start telling me the faults that I have that them and others really don't like. In a way I kind of wish someone would because then I would be able to mold myself into a more likable person.
It's sad to think that a majority of things in life are so brittle and very few that are so sturdy that they wouldn't move even if you tried. It's the process of making those brittle things into sturdy, solid objects that feels nearly impossible. But I guess these are the decisions that everyone has to struggle through within their lifetimes. Without a struggle, no one would really learn anything.
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I have recently decided to add page on facebook for my art and for my fanfiction stories.
www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Half…If anyone's interested please feel free to add me. *bows*